For my husband and I, there was no question of whether or not I would go back to work after we became parents. Our plan was always to be a two-income household. I had a career that I loved, and I wasn’t going to give that up to sit home all day and take care of a home and a child.
That was before I had a home and a child to take care of. After I became a mother, I realized how much work goes into taking care of a home and raising a child. Being home full-time sounded better and better as time went on.
I did the math, and I tried to make the numbers work. There was no way to balance our budget without my income. I had decided, without meaning to, that I did not want to go back to work. From there, it was all down hill.
My maternity leave, like many moms I’m sure, was a blur of exhaustion, baby cuddles, and physical recovery. I sat at home most days trying to get a handle on breastfeeding and taking care of a baby while keeping myself fed. I didn’t have the time or mental capacity to try to take care of myself or think about my mental well-being.
As my return to work drew near, I dreaded it more and more. I frequently tried to tell my son that I would be leaving him soon, but I could not get the words out without choking up. It seemed so silly because I knew that he wouldn’t know what I was saying anyway, but I needed to be able to tell him that I was going to leave him soon. I just couldn’t do it.
My return to work was rocky to say the least. I was prepared to resume my job, but I was not prepared for the mental and emotional hardships. I approached the whole situation with an “I’ll be fine” and “it is what it is” attitude. Now I know that there are steps that I could have taken to make my transition less overwhelming.
My hope is that other new moms can learn from my mistakes and help themselves to feel more supported and prepared upon their return to work.
Here are some suggestions of things that you can do to mentally prepare to return to work as a new mom:
Mark it on the calendar
I have always been the type who wants to have a plan for everything. Knowing what to expect and having a plan for when you will go back to work is the first step in accepting the idea as a whole. Mark your first day back to work on your calendar, and know that the time will come when when your maternity leave ends.
Get out of the house
This was my number one mistake during maternity leave! The idea of leaving the house with baby in-tow seemed so daunting and so stressful that I rarely did it. My first time back at the gym was just a week before I went back to work, and I regretted not going sooner. Being out and interacting with other people helped to clear up the maternity cloud that seemed to loom in my home.
Talk to someone who has been there
You are not alone in this! Any working mom that you know had to go through the transition of going back to work. Just because they made it look easy, doesn’t mean that they didn’t struggle through it like you may be now. Just having someone to talk to and relate to can be a huge relief for any emotional burden.
Let yourself be a little upset
Like I said, you are not alone! All working moms have been where you are now, and it is hard. Don’t bottle up your emotions or ignore the way that you feel. It’s ok to be upset or anxious about your return to work. Talk about it with your spouse and be honest with yourself.
Assess your mental health
While you are being honest with yourself, take the time to think about your mental health. Maternal mental health is something that our society has not talked about enough until just recently. Stuff Mom Never Told You has a great podcast on the subject that came just in time for me to put a name to the post-partum anxiety that I had struggled through on my own. If you are struggling with your mental health, take the time to get whatever help you need! It will make everything infinitely easier moving forward.
Have a feeding and/or pumping plan
How you feed your baby is a huge stressor for all new moms. It may have taken your whole maternity leave to figure out what feeding strategies and schedules work for your baby. Going back to work is going to put a whole additional learning curve into your plans. Decide before you go back how you will continue to feed your baby while you are working.
Talk to your boss
Speaking of planning, your boss is your ally in making sure that you are successful in your return to work. Take the time to talk openly about what support you need when the time comes. If you will be continuing to breastfeed, discuss when and where you will be taking breaks to pump. Make sure that your boss knows if you are ready to jump back in with both feet or if you need to ease back into your old routine.
If possible, start slowly
If you are leaning towards easing back in, talk to your boss about starting the transition back to work slowly. Some women are in a position to go back to work part-time or with slightly reduced duties at first. If that option is available to you, I highly recommend giving it some hard thought.
Find a childcare provider that you trust
Leaving your little one for the first time can be anxiety-inducing in itself. Knowing that your baby is taken care of by someone that you trust will help to ease your mind. If it’s possible, consider starting out with a loved one watching your baby. If you are going to a daycare or a new babysitter, you may want to do a couple of trial runs before leaving for work. Ask your provider if you can drop baby off for a half-day or two the week before you return to work.
Don’t fall victim to the role overload
Another great Stuff Mom Never Told You tidbit – “role overload” is what they call the stigmas around certain roles in our society. In this case, don’t let yourself be overrun by the pressure that comes with being a working mom. You don’t have to be a Pinterest-perfect, Clair Huxtable-esque, overachieving mom all the time. Allow yourself to relax and just take care of yourself and your family.
Whether you are a working mom by choice or out of necessity, returning to work after maternity leave will be a big adjustment. It can be relaxing to have time away from your newborn, but at the same time you may feel guilty for spending so much time away from your home.
Taking the time to prepare yourself mentally and emotionally before you return to work will help you to have a smooth transition from working professional to mother to working mother.