When I originally put this post together, we were undecided on the exact timing of when we would have our second baby. Now, I am updating to account for my own experience. The advice in the post came from the world of Facebook mom groups. I asked “what is the best age gap between siblings?” and I got a wide range of answers from the moms that I talked to.
Is there a best age gap between siblings?
The short answer is that every family is different! Each age gap has pros and cons, and the timing really comes down to what works best for your family. The most common age gap that I came across was 2 to 3 years. It’s a nice gap that allows your children to be close in age without many of the difficulties that come with having two babies in your home at once.
The Age Gap in Our Family
For us, the decision came down to family timing more than sticking to our plan. Just like all other plans in life, things change! We weren’t ready to have another baby as soon as I would have thought, but we didn’t want our son to miss out on having a sibling close in age. Also, we wanted to have our second baby before we were out of baby mode completely. We ended up aiming for an age gap around 2 years between our children.
After a very early pregnancy loss, we had our daughter when our son was 2.5 years old. It ended up being a really great age for him to become an older brother. Between 2 and 2.5, he had a huge language explosion. Having those developed communication skills really helped him and I get along while we had a new baby in the house. He could tell me what he needed, and we were able to have conversations when I was stuck nursing. It helped us to stay connected while I wasn’t always able to be physically playing with him.
What is the best age gap between siblings?
Under 2 years
For some moms, getting pregnant quickly after having their first baby is a dream come true. For others, the idea of having two infants at once is a nightmare. This age gap may be for you if you want your kids to go through all of the phases of life together, if you want to move past the pregnancy and infant phase all at once, or if you’re just really excited to have another baby!
Moms loved: siblings play together well, they are interested in the same activities, parents are still in “baby mode,” reusing the baby gear all at once.
Moms didn’t love: having multiples in diapers, dealing with too many car seats at once, having to carry two babies, sibling rivalry, fighting over toys and affection, parents are stuck in “baby mode.”
2 to 3 years
This seemed to be a common age range among moms that I talked to. It’s a nice compromise that allows your kids to be close in age without having to deal with two infants at once. Your toddler will be independent enough play a little bit alone while you take care of the new baby.
Moms loved: having an older sibling who understood they are getting a baby, siblings that are still close enough to play together, having baby gear still easily accessible.
Moms didn’t love: still possibly having two in diapers, sibling rivalries, fighting.
4 to 5 years
Parents who are worried about dealing with a toddler and a baby at the same time like to wait until their first born is old enough to be self-dependent and even helpful with the new baby. This can make taking care of both children much easier.
Moms loved: the older sibling will understand and possibly help with a new baby, the older sibling needs less attention/affection.
Moms didn’t love: coordinating times with kids in different schools, the younger sibling playing “tag-along” to the older.
5 or more years
Obviously, the longer you wait, the more self-dependence you will get out of your first-born. Your oldest may be able to help you out quite a bit with the baby and household chores. This also puts your kids farther apart, and they may not have the same interests at the same time.
Moms loved: both children feeling like only children, lots of one-on-one time, the older can help with the younger, less sibling rivalry and fighting.
Moms didn’t love: Having children in the house for so long, children won’t have many common interests in childhood.
I’d love to get more moms chiming in on this one. What is the best age gap between siblings in your opinion?
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